The Woman in Me
by Crimson-Pen531
Summary: Hawkeye realizes just how much she needs Mustang. Set after the series, so contains spoilers. Rated T just to be safe! I hope you all enjoy it!


As First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye prepared herself for bed, she stared out the window of her apartment at the rain, wondering when it was all going to end. There had already been so much heartache and pain that she was beginning to wonder if it would ever cease at all. Thinking back, she supposed it all truly began when they first met the Elric Brothers almost five years ago. Ah, how those were the days of free-spirited simplicity. Now things were just complicated.

She sighed deeply as she let her hair down and stared at herself in the reflection of the window. Looking at this seemingly normal woman, she wondered at herself, how she managed to fool absolutely everyone into thinking that she was this physically and emotionally strong woman, a woman who wasn't afraid of anything or anyone. What on earth really made them think that? She had to wonder.

Sure, she was strong-willed. There was no doubt about that. Anyone who knew her even a little bit could tell how, when she wanted something, she would go for it until she got it. Well…almost. There was one thing that she wanted more than anything else in the world, but that she would never even dream of trying to get to.

While she hated losing more than almost anything else, she wouldn't let herself be so tempted by what were called the "desires of the flesh" that she wouldn't accept defeat just this one time. After all, she had just about everything else a woman could ask for. Why should she really long for something more in her life when she already had so much to be thankful for?

_I'm not always strong  
And sometimes I'm even wrong  
But I win when I choose  
And I can't stand to lose_

It had been two weeks since Mustang's battle with the Fuehrer, and he was doing much better than before, but he was still very weak and injured. Hawkeye had been doing her job, keeping him well fed and making sure that he got enough sleep, but it was breaking her heart more and more each time she saw him.

He had always been such a strong man that to see him this way was almost unbearable. Of course, he had absolutely no idea that late at night, after he'd already fallen asleep and she was staying vigilantly by his hospital bed, she would stare at him and cry for hours until she finally fell asleep as well. But then again, she wouldn't ever let him see her tears, either. The one thing she always vowed to herself never to do was cry in public, especially not in front of him. He deserved better performance from her than that.

But as she sat there thinking about it, that's really all it was…a performance. Reflecting on it further, she realized that Mustang really had no idea who she truly was. The only person he had ever seen her be was this valiant soldier with a gun and a bad attitude toward her target. How could he possibly know that underneath that unbreakable exterior lay a very vulnerable and sensitive woman?

She leaned forward and brushed some of his beautiful ebony hair out of his eyes as he slept, breathing deeply and trying not to wake him. She had always been there for him before, as she knew she would always be there for him as long as she was able. But she had to wonder what it would be like if someday she asked to cry on his shoulder. She was sure he would oblige, but the role change would be so different that the question was raised as to whether she would actually enjoy letting out all her inhibitions for just a few minutes to open up to him. Gods, did she ever want to talk to him.

_But I can't always be  
The rock that you see  
When the nights get too long  
And I just can't go on_

The newly-promoted Brigadier General Roy Mustang was finally home from the hospital and more than glad to be in his own bed again. It had been hell to say the very least staying in that one little room all the time. Of course, he supposed it had been slightly more bearable because of a certain beautiful woman who never left his side.

Just as he was about to settle in for the night, there was a fierce knock on the door. Slightly agitated, he picked up his cane and trudged down the hall, down the stairs, and across the living room to the front door. When he opened it, however, all signs of anger disappeared as he realized that something was definitely amiss.

There, standing on his front step, tears streaming down her face and shaking like a leaf was none other than Riza Hawkeye. His eyes widened as he led her inside and said, "Riza! What's wrong?"

Once inside, she fell to her knees on the carpet, holding herself tightly and crying harder than ever. Mustang knelt beside her and put his arms comfortingly around her, rocking her back and forth as he said gently, "It's all right, Riza. Just calm down and tell me what's wrong. Has something happened? Did someone hurt you?"

She shook her head slowly, still trembling as though scared to death. "No," she whispered. "No, no one has hurt me. It's you, Roy. It's always been you. I just can't take it anymore. Please, gods, help me. I just can't do this anymore, Roy. I can't take it."

Still not understanding, he breathed deeply, trying to help her calm down. "I don't know what you mean," he said. "What do you mean you can't take it anymore? What's me? I'll help you in any way I can, Riza, but you have to tell me what's going on."

A few more tears fell from her cheeks as she finally looked up into his eyes and said sadly, "I was so afraid that I had lost you."

_The woman in me  
Needs you to be  
The man in my arms  
To hold tenderly  
Cause I'm a woman in love  
And it's you I run to  
Yeah the woman in me  
Needs the man in you_

Now Mustang was really confused. Did she really just say that she was afraid she had lost him? What did she mean by that? Apparently, she was able to read his thoughts as usual because she elaborated just a moment later.

"I remember running up to the Fuehrer's home, seeing it all in flames, and I thought the worst immediately. It was like my worst nightmare was coming true when I ran up to the front porch and saw you lying there unconscious. Oh gods, I thought you were gone. I thought I had lost you forever.

"I felt so helpless. All I could do was keep shouting your name over and over, hoping that would somehow bring you back from the other side. Somehow I managed to keep it together for the past couple of weeks, but it was all just a show, just an act to stay strong in front of you because you deserve only the best. But now I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend like I just don't care anymore, Roy.

"I can't keep pretending that I'm just mildly glad that you're all right. If you had died that night, I'm not sure what I would have done because quite honestly, I wouldn't be able to live without you." She then embraced him as tightly as she could and pleaded, "Please don't ever leave me, Roy. Please, please, promise me that you won't ever leave me."

He had to smile as he lifted her face and tenderly kissed the tears from her cheeks. "I promise that I won't ever leave you, Riza. I care about you too much to just let myself give up that easily. And by the way, you don't have to worry about being strong for me. I should know better than anyone that it's all right to break down sometimes. It's okay to let yourself cry. I've always thought that it's our emotions that make us strong rather than a lack thereof. Agreed?"

She sniffled a bit and nodded, resting her head on his chest and letting the tears fall freely now. She had no reason to hold back anymore. She had already revealed to him everything she'd been wanting to say for quite some time now. It would be pointless to pretend any longer.

_When the world wants too much  
And it feels cold and out of touch  
It's a beautiful place  
When you kiss my face_

Riza tiptoed as quietly as she could to bed, not wanting to wake her sleeping husband and knowing how angry he would be if she did. It had been another long evening of sorting out paperwork that she refused to leave until tomorrow, so she had truly only gotten home a few moments previous.

She slid under the covers and sighed deeply, thinking about how bed never felt so good. It was only a moment later that Mustang turned over and put an arm around her waist. Even in his sleep he could sense when she was beside him, and he would always pull her closer. She had to let out a bit of a chuckle, but immediately ceased when she heard him say, "You're late."

She turned over to face him and whispered, "You shouldn't be awake. You'll be exhausted tomorrow and then we really won't get any work done. Not that that's different from any normal day, but you know what I mean."

He smiled and kissed her forehead gently. "I know, I know. You're always the wise one."

Riza took a deep breath and slid closer to him, closing her eyes as she felt his warmth against her cheek. "I'll settle for being the wise one," she replied. "As long as you get to remain the strong one."

_The woman in me  
Needs you to be  
The man in my arms  
To hold tenderly  
Cause I'm a woman in love  
And it's you I run to  
Yeah the woman in me  
Needs the man in you_


End file.
